Knowing We Must Say Goodbye

Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try

  -From The Phantom of the Opera



   A few short weeks ago, my best friend had to say goodbye to her precious cat of twenty one
years.
   As you can image, it was one of the hardest things she has ever had to do.  It was also one of the kindest gifts she could have given to her little Simba.

  We all know what a difficult and incredibly sad decision this is to make. We question that decision long after our little angel is at rest. We talk to our friends and loves ones about him or her, and if we are lucky, we have that one person who totally gets how we are feeling, and tries to ease our pain by letting us reminisce and remember.

If we're very lucky, we have that one friend.

Here are a few suggestions that might help you when confronted with a friend who needs you to just listen, and be a true friend.

Listen. Really listen.

Your friend is in a lot of pain, and the one thing she doesn't need, is twenty questions.
If she asks YOU a question, then answer with complete honesty and compassion.
"Do you think I did the right thing by having my pet euthanized"?
You can tell her that you feel that she DID do the right thing, and that you would have done the same.
Mention that her pet is no longer in pain and suffering. Assure her that she did all she could for her pet.

This is a tough one, and often leaves the pet owner crippled with guilt. Assure your friend that the choice of euthanasia is one of the kindest things a person can do for a sick pet. In time she will see that she made the right choice.

Send her a sympathy card.
I'm sure many people who have lost a beloved pet, would appreciate the generous thought behind this.
There are some beautiful "pet sympathy" cards out there, with the most touching words of comfort.
It will surely bring tears to their eyes, but just the thought of knowing you understand and care, will go a long way in comforting your friend.

Call her often and see how she is doing.
Does she want to stop over for coffee, meet for lunch or go for a walk.
And again, let her talk about her pet. She is missing him terribly and needs to let all her sorrow out.
Our understanding of our friend's grief, and our willingness to listen and offer sympathy is the mark of a true friend. She may not have anyone else in her life that understands like you do. Be there for her.

DO NOT say that she can always get another pet. Nothing will ever replace her pet, and she will know if, and when she is ready to adopt another.
When she is ready, she will let you know, and you can be there to help her, and celebrate her newest family member.

DON'T focus on the amount of time your friend had with her pet. It may be normal to think, "Well, she had him for fifteen years". Or, "She was a very old dog".
This fact does not matter in the least to your friend at this time. Whether she had him for two years or twenty years, the feelings of loss are exactly the same.

And never, EVER say, "He was just a cat, or she was just a dog". That's like saying, "She was just a child, or he was just a friend". It's like a knife in the heart to a pet lover, and one who has just lost a pet, will resent that remark, and you, for saying it.

Being a friend at this emotional time is the most comforting thing you can offer. Knowing that this loss is as real as losing a human companion, is the first step in helping your friend to heal.

Only time will help to somewhat soften the sting of heartbreak for your friend. But, knowing that she can count on you to listen, reminisce and understand, will help her a great deal in accepting the loss of her precious pet.

It just takes compassion, empathy and kindness to help a friend in need. And someday, when that indescribable pain is at your doorstep, and your pet needs you to make that heart-wrenching decision, your friend will remember your kindness, and be there with a much needed shoulder to cry on.


This blog post is dedicated to Simba Gittelman, who lived with his wonderful family for almost twenty one years. You are deeply missed. Especially by your mommy.

Rest in peace, sweet boy.